Friday, January 28, 2011

Randi Rhodes: REVOLT!


It’s Friday, ya bastids!

A group of online hacker activists who go by the name Anonymous are threatening to cause internet chaos in Egypt. Their online video (below) says “We are Anonymous. We are legion.” If they’re like most people of this ilk, they are also 15 years old. Anonymous is linked to a lot of internet attacks. The FBI is trying to track the people in the Anonymous group down. I’m not sure exactly where they live, but I think I can safely say it’s with their parents. Reports from Egypt say the internet has been shut down, along with cell phone text messaging. Well, at least now Sarah Palin will have a hard time inserting herself into this situation. Really, is shutting down the internet the wisest thing to do in this situation? For every person you prevent from sending out anti-government emails, there are another 10 people who would have been surfing randomly, and now have lots of free time on their hands.

Rand Paul and David Vitter are introducing a congressional resolution to do away with birthright citizenship. Why is Rand Paul getting together with David Vitter? The only time anybody gets together with David Vitter is at a cheap hotel, under an assumed name. The “resolution” in question would deny US citizenship to children of illegal immigrants who are born on US soil. Well, the resolution says it does that. But the US Constitution says otherwise. Paul and Vitter say this is a “resolution that would amend the Constitution.” Um guys, we already have something to amend the Constitution. They’re called amendments! You cannot amend the Constitution with a “resolution”! This actually uses an unconstitutional maneuver to pass an unconstitutional rule. At least they’re consistent in that sense. Vitter said this resolution will close a “loophole” in the Constitution. The Constitution doesn’t have loopholes, David. You’re the one who’s trying to put holes in it. Conservatives always talk about how much they love the Constitution. Then they do terrible things to it. This is love? Somebody should tell the Constitution that it’s in an abusive relationship.

In slightly less disgusting news, on a basketball pre-game show, Tracy Morgan said that Sarah Palin is “great masturbation material.” At least if you’re into using Sarah Palin as masturbation material, you have plenty of opportunities in which to do it. It could get a little tricky for a guy masturbating to Sarah Palin when she appears on Fox News, though. Just when you really get going, suddenly the camera cuts to Greta van Susteren. Or Sean Hannity. But then if guys are using Sarah Palin as masturbation material, I recommend that the sound on the video should definitely be turned off. And while I’m sure there are plenty of guys who actually really dig Sarah Palin (hello, Bill Kristol), I’m sure Tracy Morgan is not one of them. It’s one thing to vote against your own best interests, but why would a guy masturbate against his own best interests? What is it about guys that gets them turned on by women they actually despise? Really, if women were like guys in that regard, they would have a line of vibrators named after John Boehner. Hey! There’s your visual for the weekend. Although I don’t know if the best name for a line of vibrators is “Little Boehners.”

Today’s Homework | Discuss


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