Thursday, December 1, 2011

Randi Rhodes: Floaters & Sinkers

Is Mitt Romney sinking? I hope not. If Mitt’s hair hits the water, we’re going to have a major oil slick. Mitt’s poll numbers are plummeting, while Newt Gingrich’s are on the rise. What a slap in the face to Mitt! He might not be the best candidate, but right now he’s losing to the worst candidate. I don’t use the term “worst” lightly when talking about Republicans. The other candidates are potential disasters, but Newt has the longest track record of actual disasters. Amazing. This summer, Newt Gingrich looked like a dead man walking. Now his campaign is going very well... but he still looks like a dead man. Newt always looks like a corpse that was pulled out of a lake. Every time I watch an episode of CSI, I think—hey, is that pasty, bloated mass of flesh Newt Gingrich? No, it’s just this week’s victim.

Mitt Romney got pretty worked up during a tough interview at Fox News. I know, there seem to be two things wrong with that statement—Mitt Romney getting worked up, and Fox doing a tough interview. Mitt should have clued in when he saw that he was going to be getting questions from Brett Baier, instead of getting a gentle, yet erotic massage from Sean Hannity. (And where was Sean Hannity? He was busy giving a sensual massage to Newt Gingrich. I didn’t watch all of it. I was afraid Newt was going to get a 'happy ending'.) Baier started listing some of the more notorious flip-flops in Mitt’s endless catalogue, and Mitt got annoyed. Mitt! Take a step back. Remember, there are two sides to everything. Oh wait, you’re the last person I have to point that out to. Mitt snapped at Baier “Your list is just not accurate.” Actually, Mitt, the list is quite accurate. It’s far from complete, but it’s accurate. At another point, Mitt crossed his legs in a manner so effeminate that I thought for a second he was married to Michele Bachmann. I don’t know if it’s possible for a guy to cross his legs that hard without crushing his you-know-whats. What does it tell you when Mitt is able to do that with no problem at all?

Newt Gingrich is making the mandatory “kiss the ring” pilgrimage to meet Donald Trump at Trump Tower on Monday. Trump Tower is a large building, but I don’t know if it’s large enough to hold both of those egos. Maybe they should meet at Madison Square Garden. I know I would pay to see that, especially if they went 15 rounds with no gloves on.

Today’s Homework | Discuss

The Huntsman girls strike again...

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