Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Wednesday Aug. 4th 2010

Happy Birthday to President Obama. He turns 49 today. That’s 49 in regular human years. Remember, for a President of the United States, you have to count every year in office as aging him 10 years. The office of the Presidency tends to really age the people who hold it… except for George Bush. While he was president, it was everybody else who felt a whole lot older. President Obama’s wife and daughters are out of town on his birthday. That’s a little sad. Nobody wants to spend their birthday alone. I hope he finds something to keep him busy today. Actually Obama is heading home to Chicago for a birthday dinner with friends tonight. Just don’t give him a surprise party. If the surprise is successful, Republicans will criticize him for not being on top of things.
It seems that fewer and fewer people have anything to celebrate. More employers are moving from using work furloughs as a cost-cutting measure to actually cutting workers’ pay. Well at least wages aren’t stagnating any more. The Great Stagnation is over! Time for the Great Reduction. Workers accept the pay cuts because they’re afraid of losing their jobs. This recession isn’t a problem for employers, it’s a bargaining chip. In just one example, Mott’s apple juice in upstate New York is demanding that workers take a pay cut even though the company is making healthy profits. Classic. Leave it to an apple juice company to know how to squeeze people.
How does the rightwing media respond? By attacking teachers and teachers unions. Sounds like somebody never got over that “F” in algebra back in 10th grade. Rightwing talker Jay Severin called teachers “Tiny Napoleons.” Of course, if it weren’t for his teachers, Jay Severin would have no idea who Napoleon was. Bill O’Reilly claims that “most” high school and college teachers are “left-wingers” who “bring in a anti-American viewpoint.” Interesting, Bill. Exactly how do you work an anti-American viewpoint into a geometry lesson? “The square of the length of the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares of the lengths of the two sides. America sucks. Any questions?” Happy Birthday, Mr. President. The economy is still in the doldrums, and Republicans just want to scapegoat teachers. It’s enough to turn anybody’s hair gray...

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Tuesday Aug. 3rd 2010

Well, the BP oil spill is now officially the biggest oil spill of all time. Congratulations to Tony Hayward and everyone who worked so hard on this. Give BP credit—they took a potential problem and did everything they could to make it happen, from the initial safety violations to the half-assed response. 5 million barrels! This is the largest accidental spill of all time. Heck, they’d be hard-pressed to beat that with an intentional spill.

In other toxic news, Mitch McConnell has joined the chorus of GOP voices calling for changing the 14th Amendment that grants birthright citizenship. Republicans claim we can’t control the border. So their solution is to try and get rid of people who were born on this side of the border. Brilliant. If a person isn’t an American if they’re born in America, then what is the criteria? Call me simple-minded, but that “if you’re from here, then you’re from here” rule is pretty straightforward. Maybe Republicans want to make another tier of citizenship, or create a whole class of people who don’t have any rights. I think we tried that when we launched this country—it was called slavery, and it didn’t work out very well. Conservatives won’t say it, but their ideal for determining who’s an American is by skin color… with an exception carved out for John Boehner, of course. If we want to tackle immigration, we do have the option of going after employers who hire illegals. But Republicans think it’s a better idea to go after the Constitution. It’s a crazy idea—and that’s why GOP politicians are embracing it. Republicans don’t care how looney an idea is, as long as they can use it to fire up their base for an election.

If you want to get progressive voters out in a midterm election, you might do what California did and put an initiative to legalize marijuana on the ballot. Hey, given the condition California is in, they could use something to mellow them out. It’s the same concept as putting anti-gay measures on the ballot to drive conservative voters to the polls. They’re hoping that lefties love pot as much as conservatives hate gay marriage. Can pro-pot initiative get pot heads out to vote? It depends what’s on TV. It’s a good thing Adult Swim comes on after the polls close. If opponents of the measure are smart they’ll schedule a “Family Guy” marathon for Election Day.

Today’s Homework Discuss

The late George Carlin from 2005 on the American Dream (explicit language):

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Monday Aug. 2nd 2010

Good news for anti-Muslim pyromaniacs: an extremist evangelical church called Dove World Church is hosting a Koran-burning this coming September 11 ( video here). Yeesh. Remember the good old days when religious fanatics just burned Beatles’ records? Are these people trying to “out-Phelps” Fred Phelps? The Koran burning day is called “International Burn A Quran Day.” What? You expected creativity? “International Burn A Quran Day…” OK. I guess it’s catchier than “Please Hate America Day.” And please note that it’s International Burn A Quran Day. International… because you want your hateful bigotry to be cosmopolitan. Be sure to get fresh Korans, guys. If you get used ones from Guantanamo Bay , they could still be wet from being flushed down the toilet. That makes them awfully hard to light.
This weekend Sarah Palin said that Arizona Governor Jan Brewer “has the cojones that our president does not have” when it comes to enforcing immigration law. Nice. Having been forced to invent her own English words like “refudiate,” Sarah Palin is now setting her sights on Spanish vulgarities. I’m just surprised she managed to find a word that’s actually a word in Spanish. “Cojones” is actually Spanish for the male reproductive organs, and it’s considered a vulgar term. Wash your mouth out, Sarah Palin. Oh, and wash that word off of your hand if you wrote it down there. It’s not clear if it’s OK to say cojones on TV. But then Sarah Palin can always say she didn’t know what it meant. Heck, she could say that about any word and people would believe her. Sarah please, stop with the Spanish interjections. All we ask is that you butcher one lan guage at a time. And word to Jan Brewer—it’s OK to have cojones… just don’t think with them.
Got extra cash burning a hole in your pocket? Donors who get $100,000 for the National Republican Congressional Committee get special access to John Boehner. Classy. Why doesn’t he just tell them to leave the money on the dresser? Those $100,000 donors get private meetings with Boehner. I’m pretty sure that for not much more you could probably get a lap dance. “Come on back to the Champagne Room, fellas. You can each get some private attention from Bambi… I mean Minority Leader Boehner.” Is John Boehner immune to shame? Or is that orange glow we all assumed was a spray-on tan really a blush of embarrassment? >>> MORE

It’s Friday, ya bastids!In we-can’t-make-this-stuff-up news, yesterday House Republicans killed a bill to help 9/11 responders who got sick after working in the disaster area. Hey there, Republicans, there’s more to “Never Forget” than just not forgetting. You have to give a crap too. The bill would have provided health care to 9/11 rescue and recovery workers who got sick after being exposed to the dust of the World Trade Center collapse. Many of the first responders developed severe respiratory problems. Well now there’s this to take their breath away. The GOP turned down money to help stricken heroes. Really, what’s next? Why don’t Congressional Republicans just drown a bunch of puppies up in the Reflecting Pool? GOP critics said the bill would create a “massive new entitlement program.” Entitlement? We’re talking about the heroes of 9/11. They ARE entitled—to at least this. The only thing Republicans want to spend money on is tax cuts for the rich. I guess that would help any stricken first responders who happen to be billionaires. Oh, and how was the bill to be paid for? By closing a tax loophole for foreign multinational corporations that incorporate in tax haven countries to avoid U.S. taxes. That’s right, Republicans care more for Swiss bankers than they do for American paramedics. Wow. Give them credit for sticking to their principles… though that really stretches the meaning of the word “principles.” Nice going, Republicans—you’ve just added insult to one of the worst injuries this nation has ever received.

Lindsey Graham wants to overturn the part of the 14th Amendment that guarantees citizenship to people born in the United States. Might I remind Lindsey Graham that the only thing that makes most of us American is being born here? It’s not like we passed a citizenship test… like immigrants have to. Graham is upset that the children of undocumented immigrants are US citizens if they are born here. Evidently Lindsey Graham wants the condition of being undocumented to be hereditary. Just how many generations do people have to live here to be considered Americans, Senator? Because the Cherokees and the Apaches might have something to say about that. I’m just saying, don’t fiddle with the rules, Lindsey. You might end up getting all of us kicked out. These guys really love the Constitution… until it gets in their way. They want to pick and choose which parts of the Constitution they like and ignore the rest. But then why should the Constitution be any different than the Bible?

Today’s Homework

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) rips Republicans over the 9/11 First Responders Health Bill

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Thursday July 29th 2010

Did you catch President Obama today on The View? This is the first time that a sitting president has appeared on a daytime talk show. It’s not a bad idea—I think George Bush could have benefited from talking to Dr. Phil. Obama described a family game called “roses and thorns” that his family plays at the dinner table where they pick something good and something bad that happened that day. When you’re the President of the United States, it must be hard to come up with roses that equal the thorns. Your rose would be something like “the dog looked really cute when he sneezed.” And your thorn is “millions of gallons of oil are being spewed into the Gulf of Mexico.” Obama said he picked The View because it’s the only show Michelle watches. OK. I’m just glad she doesn’t watch “The Jersey Shore.” I don’t want to see President Obama in a shouting match with Snookie and The Situation over who spilled beer in the Jacuzzi.

If you prefer TV with a dash of Apocalyptic paranoia, evangelist Tim LaHaye was on Mike Huckabee’s show predicting the end of the world (video below). The first clue? Mike Huckabee has a TV show. Tim LaHaye says President Obama’s “socialist” policies will “bring us closer to the Apocalypse.” Gee, I didn’t know healthcare was a sign of the end of the world. I hope my policy covers injuries resulting from exposure to fire and brimstone. Here’s a question: If the Apocalypse is foretold in the Bible, does that make it a pre-existing condition? LaHaye also said we are “very definitely” living in the “end times.” No wonder conservatives don’t give a crap about global warming—they think the world is already cooked. If these people think these are the end times, why do they even have any say in public policy discussions? Heck, if this is the end, why even try to clean up the oil spill in the Gulf? That would be like vacuuming the carpet while your house is burning down.

Finally, if you want your crazy on the radio, Rush Limbaugh said the judge’s decision on the Arizona immigration law means that “Muslim terrorists are gonna have a field day in Arizona.” Right. Not unless they want to pick lettuce. But then if Al Qaeda’s plan is to stand outside Home Depot and get day work hanging dry wall, well yes, this decision clears the way. Today’s Homework

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Wednesday July 28th 2010

One Minnesotan decided to answer the question posed by this GWB “Miss Me Yet?” billboard (ha!):

NEW: Federal judge blocks key parts of AZ’s immigration law from going into effect tomorrow

Robert Reich has a great piece on corporate profits and the jobs situation—the bottom line versus the unemployment line. Corporate profits are soaring while jobs remain stagnant. That’s what happens when business doesn’t involve making anything… except money. Companies are expanding—overseas. If you want to know where the jobs are, go down to the ocean and look beyond those oil-stained beaches. GM makes and sells more cars in China than they do in the US. These days, GM stands for “Goodbye, Michigan.”

There’s also a disconnect between corporate profits and consumer confidence. Duh. You know what builds consumer confidence? Having a steady paycheck. Consumers without jobs stop consuming. It’s like Wall Street keeps trying to milk a cow that they refuse to feed. At a certain point, the milk stops flowing.

Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee want hearings on the New Black Panther Party. What are we supposed to determine—if either of those two guys pose a threat to the United States? That’s just what America needs in 2010—an investigation into the Black Panthers. They’re going to have to conduct this investigation with the Cold Case Unit. America is facing threats from a lot of sources, but a threat from the sixties is not one of them. Finally, NASA says this is the hottest year on record. What is it going to take for conservatives to admit that it’s getting hotter… beyond the fact that it’s getting hotter, I mean?

Today’s Homework

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Tuesday July 27th 2010

Census data shows that more Americans are moving into crappier housing situations because they can’t afford their old place. People are going to end up living underneath bridges. All the more reason to spend some money on infrastructure repair—nobody wants to live underneath a leaky bridge. More people are also moving into shared housing. We’re becoming a nation of roommates. Great. Not only are people poorer, now they’ve got somebody stealing their Chinese leftovers out of the fridge.

BP is keeping Tony Hayward on the payroll. He’s going to help oversee BP’s joint venture in Russia . He is literally being sent to Siberia , which is like the employment equivalent of treating spilled oil with dispersants—it’s what you do when you just want something to go away. At least Tony got himself a nice going-away present of $1.6 million per year. Good for you, Tony. I’m sure $1.6 million a year goes a long way in Siberia . You’re going to be the swankiest guy on the tundra. I hope BP has a good oil spill response plan for Siberia —one that will protect the rare Siberian walrus. The decision to send Hayward to Sibe ria was “mutual.” That’s how bad things are in the Gulf. Tony Hayward would evidently rather be in Siberia than on the Redneck Riviera, scraping oil off of the soles of his feet. Meanwhile, BP is selling some $30 billion in assets over the next 18 months to help cover their losses. Anybody want any used oil booms? It sounds like BP is in worse financial shape than Teresa on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Maybe they should just auction their stuff off.

Finally, Tom Tancredo is running for Governor of Colorado as a third party candidate. Great—any party can be livened up by bringing in a clown. Tom Tancredo has a long history of race-baiting. He has more racist quotes than the unabridged version of Mein Kampf. And all those racist statements from Tom Tancredo were not cherry-picked. Selectively choosing racist statements from Tom Tancredo is like cherry-picking in a bowl of cherries. >>> MORE

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Monday July 26th 2010

A leak of over 90,000 military documents on the war in Afghanistan paints a grim picture of the situation there. The sheer number of documents paints a grim picture. 92,000 documents? This is the biggest leak in the world not directly caused by BP. If we’ve done nothing else, with this much paperwork we’ve certainly managed to deforest a good chunk of the planet. These reports are a better defoliant than Agent Orange.
On Fox News Sunday, Newt Gingrich was asked if he was irresponsible to call Shirley Sherrod “viciously racist.” Newt blamed his reaction to the Sherrod clip on the “Obama administration’s continuing incompetence.” This is what it’s come to—now Newt Gingrich is blaming Obama for Newt Gingrich. Howard Dean called what Fox News did with the Shirley Sherrod story “absolutely racist.” He also said “The Tea Party called out their racist fringe and I think the Republican Party's got to stop appealing to its racist fringe.” Let’s be straight here: the Tea Party does not call out its “racist fringe.” It calls out its racist mainstream.
The Wall Street Journal reports that BP chief Tony Hayward is on his way out. It’s about time. If George Steinbrenner had been in charge, Tony Hayward would have been fired a dozen times by now. When Hayward took over in 2007, he pledged to clean up BP’s poor safety record. I’ll give him this much—he certainly made their record prior to his tenure look a lot better, at least in comparison. After this the safety record of the Titanic looks pretty clean. The BP board will meet today to consider Hayward ’s departure. Goodbye, Tony. Try not to track any oil on your way out. I don’t know what Tony will do now. The man hasn’t done anything right. He should probably apply to be a fact checker for Glenn Beck. Finally, a study shows that the John Roberts Supreme Court is the most rightwing Supreme Court in living memory… unless there’s someone out there old enough to remember the Roger Taney Supreme Court. How conservative is the John Roberts Supreme Court? If these 9 people were a baseball team, at least 5 of them would be in right field. And that is not a winning lineup.>>> MORE

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Friday July 23rd 2010

It’s Friday, ya bastids!
There’s some great video of Tea Party candidate Sharron Angle running away from reporters’ questions—at her own news conference (see below). What the hell is wrong with Sharron Angle? Don’t worry, Sharron—it’s a hypothetical question. You don’t have to answer it. I’ve heard of politicians running, but this is absurd. Sharron Angle shouldn’t be running in a Senate race, she should be running in the 1500 meter hurdles. Heck, I think she would have beaten most of the field in an Olympic steeplechase. Why don’t they just add some hurdles and a water hazard to Sharron Angle’s press conferences?
My God, even Alvin Greene, the surprise Democratic Senate candidate from South Carolina, answers reporters’ questions. He tends to stare ahead into space for a long time before doing it, but he does it. There may be trouble for Alvin, though. Greene’s military records say he has an inability to clearly express his thoughts. Wow. I think you just described the ideal politician. After all, what is hurting Sharron Angle more than the fact the she has clearly expressed her thoughts in the past? The military records say Greene has trouble performing basic tasks. Hey, I think he’s going to fit right in the Senate! On one of his military reviews, Greene’s incompetence was deemed so great that he was considered “a threat to others.” Yes, but more of a threat to others than Jim DeMint? That’s the question in this election.
On his TV show, Glenn Beck said he would never have aired the edited clip of Shirley Sherrod—although he actually aired it earlier that same day on his radio show. Glenn Beck, meet Glenn Beck. If you have any standards, you’re not going to like him. Radio Glenn Beck said flat out that they “have video tape of a USDA administration official discriminating against white farmers.” Then TV Glenn Beck said he would never say that. I can’t wait until Book Author Glenn Beck weighs in and breaks the tie. Finally, Norm Coleman is reportedly thinking about challenging Michael Steele for the RNC chairmanship. There’s definitely a big opening at the RNC. Unfortunately for Michael Steele, that big opening is his mouth. Hey, if Norm Coleman can do for Republicans what he did for Norm Coleman in 2008, Democrats should be in pretty good shape. Today’s Homework

My Fixe Magazine Interview - w/Photos on their Site

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Hugh Hefner on Larry King LIVE July 22 20210

Hugh Hefner on ABC Nightline July 22 2010

Randi Rhodes Newsletter for Thursday July 22nd 2010

Well, falsely vilified Agriculture Department employee Shirley Sherrod has a new job offer.
If the Department of Agriculture can just falsely accuse another 15 million Americans and offer them new jobs as compensation, we will have solved the unemployment problem. Of course, we’re going to have a lot of people on the Department of Agriculture payroll. On the upside, we should be doing pretty good in terms of agriculture. Heck, for every struggling family farmer out there, we’ll have a few thousand USDA employees keeping tabs on each of them. All we have to do is get Andrew Breitbart and Fox News to manufacture fake videos to falsely incriminate 15 million Americans. I’m confident they can do it. Hell, do that and then there’s a few hundred thousand jobs for videotape editors too. This just keeps getting better for the economy. Shirley Sherrod has received apologies from Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack, the NAACP, and President Obama even called her personally today. She’s received apologies from everybody who fell for this scam, and nobody who perpetrated this scam ( timeline). Both Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly aggressively pushed this story. Now they’re just as aggressively pushing this story away from themselves. Why hasn’t Fox News issued an apology for pushing the story? Because they’re too busy criticizing the White House for believing the story they were pushing. “How dare you believe what we were saying! Didn’t you stop to consider the source?” Yesterday Fox & Friends devoted a whole segment about the Sherrod story without ever even mentioning Andrew Breitbart’s role. Breitbart not only had a role in this controversy, he had a starring role. Heck, he even wrote the screenplay. Andrew Breitbart is to the story of Shirley Sherrod as Herman Melville is to the story of Moby Dick—he completely made it up, based very loosely on actual incidents. On an even more discordant note, a conservative media critic said he would give $100 to the first Republican Congressman who punches Democratic Congressman Alan Grayson. Wow. I hope nobody tells Michelle Bachmann. Of course, Michelle wouldn’t punch Grayson in the face. She would definitely punch below the belt. I don’t think she can reach above Alan Grayson’s belt.>>> MORE