Randi Rhodes: Tex-Ass Warfare

Rick Perry has come out with a plan for flat-tax, to help out his flat-lining campaign. When it was pointed out to him that his tax plan would give millions of dollars to millionaires, Perry said “But I don’t care about that.” It would be bad if Perry really didn’t care. But the truth is worse—that’s what the plan is supposed to do.

Republicans are still refusing to give President Obama credit for ending the Iraq War. It takes a lot of gall to criticize someone for how they fixed your own mistake. Maybe that’s why the Republicans who pushed us into the Iraq War in the first place are so touchy about it. It’s like throwing up all over yourself—you’re too embarrassed to truly be thankful to the person who cleans up the mess.

Herman Cain has released an utterly bizarre campaign ad. Of course, the point of any Herman Cain campaign ad is that Herman Cain should be president, which is utterly bizarre right off the bat. The ad starts off with some creepy guy with a mustache saying “Mark Block here,” like we’re supposed to know him… kind of like “Hey, it’s Vince, from Shamwow!” Block goes on to explain that he’s the “Chief of Staff for Herman Cain and CEO of Friends of Herman Cain,” which has to be the least impressive title since “CEO of Godfather’s Pizza.” The best part is that, at the end of his little speech, Mark Block takes a drag off of a cigarette and looks right at the camera as he exhales a cancer cloud. I’m supposed to listen to Mark Block’s ideas about who should be president? Look, I’m a smoker, but nothing quite screams “bad decision” more than lighting up a cigarette. At least most smokers do not get lung cancer, but if Herman is president, we’re all screwed. Cain should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. “Warning: Herman Cain could be hazardous for your health. And he’s definitely bad for your healthcare.” The worst part of this cigarette-smoking Herman Cain ad is that, if it works, you know Mitt Romney is going to come out with a campaign ad where he pops in a big plug of chewing tobacco.

Glenn Beck said that this weekend while he was out on the streets of Manhattan near an Occupy Wall Street protest “a couple of guys” behind him were talking about “quote, shooting Benjamin Netanyahu in the f-ing head.” Gee, why do I never get to overhear that kind of wild stuff? I guess because I’m not Glenn Beck. Somehow Glenn Beck manages to overhear things that confirm his most basic delusions. Here’s some advice, Glenn—next time you hear people talking like that, make sure the voices aren’t coming from inside your head.

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When even Pat Robertson is getting freaked out by the GOP base, you know we’ve hit a new bottom in American politics...