Randi`s Back!

Happy 2012! It’s already taking place at full speed—the Iowa caucuses are today! Some polls from Iowa show Mitt Romney back in the lead. After all this time, we’re back to square one—and there is no better description of Mitt Romney than “Square One.” Maybe the secret to Mitt’s success is that he is so wooden. Wood doesn’t sink. It just floats on the top.

Other polls show a Santorum surge. A Santorum surge? Isn’t that what wiped out Pompeii? Until this last week, Santorum has been pretty much mired at the bottom of the polls. Some candidates try to remain above the fray. I guess you could say that Rick Santorum has survived this long by remaining below the fray.

Ron Paul also has a share of the lead in Iowa. Ron Paul has two problems—he doesn’t appeal to mainstream Republicans, and he has a long history of arguable racist and homophobic statements. And if that doesn’t make him appeal to mainstream Republicans, nothing will.

Former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson has tweeted her support for Ron Paul. Kelly seems unconcerned about racist and homophobic comments in Paul’s past. But then if having something ugly in your past disqualified a person in her eyes, her own career would have stopped after the movie “From Justin to Kelly.” Endorsing Ron Paul says one of several possible things about the person doing the endorsing, the least damning of which is “I have no idea what Ron Paul is really about.” Kelly Clarkson has a very lucrative career, but she must not be in the top 1 percent, or I assume she would be endorsing Mitt Romney.

Finally, former Senator Arlen Specter recently did standup comedy at a club in Philadelphia. Overall, he performed a lot better than he did in his last Senate race, but then that’s not a very high bar. I would do the obvious jokes about a politician doing standup, but Senator Specter pretty much covered those. Arlen Specter is very old, but not as old as some of his material. Still, not bad, Arlen—as former Pennsylvania Senators who lost their seat go, I would say you have a brighter future than, say, Rick Santorum.

Today’s Homework | Discuss

Trying to prove that he's got what the freaks want, Rick Santorum whipped out a dog-whistle the size of a pickup truck in Iowa...

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