Monday, January 9, 2012

Randi Rhodes: My Baloney Has a First Name

If you like football, it was on pretty much continuously this weekend. If you like Republican debates, they were on continuously too. The only difference is that the football teams that were playing changed every half-day or so. The Republican candidates had a debate on Saturday night, and then another first thing on Sunday morning. I’ve heard of continuous debate, but this is ridiculous. It was more of an endurance test than anything else. But then when you think about it, so is being President of the United States. Hey, maybe we should determine who would handle that “3 a.m. phone call” by holding a debate at 3 a.m. and seeing how they handle it. Oh, and don’t let them know when the 3 a.m. debate is going to be—just wake them up with a phone call and throw them all in front of the cameras.

The best moment on Saturday came when Rick Perry actually said he would send troops back into Iraq! So Rick’s going to re-do George Bush’s biggest mistake. Typical Perry—he can’t even come up with an original disaster. Reality check, Rick—the Iraqis don’t want us there. If you “send troops back” at this point, I believe the term for what you are doing is “invading.” You can’t just “send troops back”! First you have to lie about weapons of mass destruction, fix the intelligence, fool the American people, and send Colin Powell to the UN with a vial of anthrax.

The best moment on Sunday came when Newt Gingrich told Mitt Romney to “drop the pious baloney.” Classic! “My baloney has a first name, and it’s M-i-t-t.” Newt, you should know that Mitt would never touch baloney. You should have told him to drop the aged prosciutto. How appropriate—first Newt called out Mitt’s “baloney,” and then Newt ate Mitt for lunch! I’m glad somebody finally called out Romney for being such an insufferable ass. Too bad it was another insufferable ass like Newt Gingrich.

But hey, Mitt is one of you! Romney told a crowd in New Hampshire “I know what it’s like to worry whether you’re going to get fired.” Mitt! Stop trying to be everyman. Frankly, you’re not convincing as any man.

Today’s Homework | Discuss

The pro-Gingrich PAC 'Winning Our Future' has released a trailer for their new mini-flick 'When Mitt Romney Came To Town'...

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