Randi Rhodes: Roasting Romney

Today is Election Day if you live in New Hampshire. And if you live in Dixville Notch, New Hampshire, today already was Election Day. Tiny Dixville Notch traditionally opens its polls at midnight on Election Day and closes them moments later after everyone has voted. That’s perfect for this year’s Republican primary—everyone just wants to get it over with. In the Notch, among 6 Republican votes cast, Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman tied for first with two votes each. Those are the numbers, unless someone demands a recount.

Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul each got one vote. I bet all the voters in Dixville Notch went to a diner after voting, sat around the table, and said “OK... who voted for Ron Paul?” Actually, it would be easy to tell who voted for Ron Paul. When the bill for the meal came, they were the one who wanted to pay in gold. And they could easily tell the Mitt Romney voters—they were the ones who wanted to go to Denny’s, maybe get some bean dip.

Mitt Romney will undoubtedly emerge the winner from New Hampshire. He’s also likely to emerge as a job-killing corporate raider. Republicans are portraying Mitt Romney as a soulless, greedy capitalist. That’s right—Republicans are portraying Mitt Romney as a Republican... to convince Republicans that he’s not right for the Republican Party. Not that any of them would have done anything differently from the way Mitt did it. Mitt just had the opportunity to do it better. And they can’t even complain that Mitt had an unfair advantage. The reason Mitt had the opportunity to do it better was because he was born into wealth and privilege... and that is also pure Republican! I just love seeing Republicans debating business ethics. Up until now, the only debate among Republicans about business ethics was about the best way to eliminate them.

Mitt likes to say that he created a net of 100,000 in his work in the private sector. He must be counting all the illegal immigrant landscapers that he hired using the money he made from laying off American workers. Mitt’s claims about creating 100,000 jobs are “unproven,” which is another term for “made up out of thin air.” Hey Mitt, why don’t you claim credit for something you really did, Mitt... like Romneycare?

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When even Rick Perry is scoring off of you, you know you're having a bad day...

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