Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Randi Rhodes: Mitt Wins

Mitt Romney won New Hampshire. I guess that means now he’s going to extract all of its cash, break it up, and sell it off in pieces. Of course Mitt was forecast to win New Hampshire. For Republicans, a forecast of Mitt Romney winning is like getting a forecast of heavy clouds, bitter cold, and a mixture of sleet and snow—they don’t freak out like they would for a hurricane like Newt Gingrich—they just shrug their shoulders and deal with it. Mitt Romney may have gotten 39 percent of the vote in New Hampshire, but he only got a pathetic 25 percent among voters younger than 30. So you better get the nomination this time, Mitt, because the future doesn’t look good. Heck, that’s probably one reason some Republicans are voting for Mitt Romney. They just want him to get the nomination so that he’ll finally stop running.

Ron Paul came in second with 23 percent of the vote. Ron Paul is big among the younger voters. You know what else is really big with young people? Tattoos. Neither of those is a very good indication of strong decision-making skills. Jon Huntsman came in third with 17 percent. He said “third place is a ticket to ride.” If it is, it’s definitely a ticket to ride in coach. And no baggage, please. Newt Gingrich only got 9.4 percent. But Newt won’t stop. He wants to get a lot more than 10 percent—he wants to get revenge. Oh, and Rick Perry got 0.7 percent. That certainly validates Rick’s decision… to quit the race. Too bad he didn’t stick with it. 0.7 percent! Do you know how low of a number that is? If you do, please explain it to Rick Perry.

Republican power brokers are rallying around Mitt Romney. They realize they have to embrace Mitt Romney with all of his flaws... if only because all of his flaws are their flaws. Is this whole process just going to expose and ruin Mitt Romney the way the exposure of his past ruined Herman Cain? Herman Cain was forcing himself on women. At Bain Capital, Mitt Romney was forcing himself on whole companies. At least after an encounter with Herman Cain, a woman could put her life back together with therapy and emotional support. After an encounter with Mitt Romney, companies had no recourse except bankruptcy. And Herman Cain never extracted all of the women’s money, cut them into parts, and sold them off. Well, if he did, that hasn’t come out yet.

Today’s Homework | Discuss

If you always wondered what it would be like if President Obama performed Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way', today is your day...

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