Randi Rhodes: Terry Burns Himself!

It's Friday, ya bastids!
Well, if you’re planning on attending tomorrow’s big Quran burning, you better check before you load up the car with Qurans and kerosene. Nobody seems to know exactly what’s going on. The best guess now is that Pastor Jones will spend 9/11 standing over a pile of Qurans with a Zippo lighter in his hand. What happened? I think Pastor Terry Jones is a guy who is used to having followers who believe him, even if he says the sky is green. Now he’s standing in front of cameras saying the sky is green, and the real world isn’t buying it. Well Pastor, that’s what happens when you try to expand your sphere of influence beyond 40 or 50 lunatics. There were a lot of twists in the story yesterday, which is what you expect dealing with someone as twisted as Terry Jones. He said they had a deal to cancel the Quran burning if the so-called Ground Zero mosque was moved. That boils down to “we won’t attack you if you do as we say.” I think the technical term for that is “extortion.” Defense Secretary Robert Gates called Pastor Terry yesterday. I don’t know exactly what Robert Gates said to him, and I suspect that Pastor Terry doesn’t either. Pastor Terry probably thinks Robert Gates offered to move the Pentagon to another location because it has a mosque inside of it. Now Pastor Terry says he is “rethinking” the Quran burning. Re-thinking? This episode shows precious little evidence of any thinking in the first place. This is the most drawn out, agonized, absurd decision since Brett Favre’s last retirement.
By the way, what is up with Pastor Terry’s absurd facial hair? I know you live in the 19th century, Pastor, but you don’t have to look like it. At least get a monocle and a walking stick to complete the look. Pastor Terry looks like Chester A. Arthur. Not a lot of people know who that is. And if the world was rational, we could say the same thing about Pastor Terry.On a lighter note, check out this comically impassioned speech from a guy named Phil Davison trying to be selected (he wasn’t) as the GOP nominee for Treasurer of Stark County, Ohio (video below). Phil looks like he’s at wrestling smack down. I’m glad his opponent wasn’t there—Phil might have hit him with a folding chair. I would wish Phil success in his future career, but I’m afraid of how worked up he would get if he ever ran for something beyond Stark County Treasurer.

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