Curiouser and curiouser: I’m tempted to say the Republican Party is going off a cliff, but it’s more like they’re going down a rabbit hole. This Tea Party stuff really is like something from Alice in Wonderland. All we need now is the Queen of Hearts yelling “off with their heads.” Come to think of it, I guess that’s Sarah Palin. Last night, fringe Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell won a surprise victory in the Republican Senatorial primary in Delaware. I would say she pulled out a win, but Christine doesn’t approve of pulling anything. It only took some 30,000 votes—Delaware has a closed primary. From the look of the results, it was only open to nutbags. The Republican establishment is not optimistic about their new candidate’s chances of winning the general election. Karl Rove said that in the general election, O’Donnell is going to have to answer questions about “her own checkered background.” And her background is more checkered than Bear Bryant’s hat collection.
Video of Christine O’Donnell’s comments on masturbation have surfaced. Christine says “The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.” And you know there are guys all over this country pleasuring themselves to this video of Christine saying that. Those guys are masturbating without lust, Christine. They’re masturbating with a mix of contempt and irony. Christine goes on to say “If he already knows what pleases him, and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?” Give yourself a little credit, girl. If you can’t beat a bottle of lotion and a box of Kleenex, you probably shouldn’t be in the game.
O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation group was called SALT. What does a crusade against masturbation have to do with SALT? I could see it if it was saltpeter, but that’s a long acronym to have to think up a name for. SALT actually stands for “Savior’s Alliance For Lifting the Truth.” That’s an odd name for an anti-masturbation group. Wouldn’t the name “Stop All Lascivious Touching” be better? There! I did a better acronym off the top of my head than the one Christine O’Donnell came up with. I think masturbation must clear the mind.
Today’s Homework Discuss
Bill Maher talks tea on Larry King...