Randi Rhodes: Hermentum

Hermann Cain won the Florida straw poll over the weekend. Cain’s win sends a strong message to the GOP. Unfortunately for them, the message is that they don’t have a candidate worth diddly-squat. By the way, Michele Bachmann came in dead last. At this point, her campaign looks about as lively as those cow carcasses she posed with last week. She actually finished behind Jon Hunstman, or as he is better known, “Who?” Wow. If this straw poll win does as much for Herman Cain as Michele Bachmann’s straw poll win in Iowa did for her... then we’ll never hear from Herman Cain again.

In a crowded field, Cain got a whopping 37 percent of the vote. And most of the whopping was done on Rick Perry. This straw poll showing could be the straw that breaks the back of Rick Perry’s candidacy. The reactions to Rick Perry’s last debate performance have been almost as ugly as Perry’s performance itself. On Fox News, Brit Hume said that Perry “really did throw up all over himself in the debate...” Thanks a lot for that image, Brit. I already couldn’t look at Rick Perry without getting sick myself. When Rick Perry entered this race, he shot right to the front of the pack. All he had to do to win was... well, to not be Rick Perry. Usually you advise someone to “just be yourself.” When you’re advising Rick Perry, the best advice is “just be anybody except yourself.” Really, Rick—be anybody. Or take a hint from Mitt Romney, and be everybody.

Rick Perry has yet to convince the Republican base that he is ideologically pure. Yeesh. How many people does he have to execute to get Republicans to like him? On top of that, Perry is a terrible debater. For a guy who has never told the truth, he sure isn’t very good at lying. You have to be able to debate, Rick. For the Republicans, you might be forgiven for not thinking all the right things, as long as you can say all the right things. Or at least that’s what Mitt Romney is counting on.

Finally, President Obama said the Republican approach “would fundamentally cripple America.” Let’s hope not. If America was crippled, Republicans would never approve the funds to build wheelchair ramps.

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