Thursday, February 9, 2012

Randi Rhodes: War on Women

So now we’re fighting over birth control? John Boehner said on the floor of the House that the rule requiring insurance to cover contraception is an attack on “religious freedom.” Easy for him to say—I think John Boehner’s preferred method of birth control is alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction. Hey, if you drink as much as John Boehner, alcohol not only functions as a contraceptive, it also effectively enforces chastity... unless you consider mumbling drunken apologies naked in bed to be a form of sex.

The Republican candidates love to flaunt their large numbers of offspring. What are they—presidential candidates... or hamsters? Rick Santorum has seven kids, while both Mitt Romney and Ron Paul have five each. That doesn’t tell you who is best to be president. It tells you who is best to repopulate the earth in case of a nuclear holocaust. The guy with the fecundity deficit is Newt Gingrich. Newt actually has more marriages than he has children... 3 to 2! Uh oh. Newt’s relatively low number of offspring indicates that he may have been practicing birth control. But then just the fact that he is Newt Gingrich is a form of birth control.

Dana Perino doesn’t think we should be giving free birth control to women because Dana sees “a lot of people out there able to buy a new pair of shoes.” Incredible! They used to want to keep you barefoot and pregnant. At least Dana Perino is giving you the choice—barefoot OR pregnant! Dana wants women to be forced to choose between motherhood and shoes… the two most sacred things to a woman!

Finally, Sean Hannity said that President Obama never would have gotten bin Laden if President Obama had “had his way.” What? Sean, what do you think President Obama said after he got bin Laden? “Oops”? He’s not Rick Perry, you know. Sean, if President Obama didn’t want to get bin Laden, all he had to do was put former President Bush in charge of tracking him down. That would have guaranteed that bin Laden would never be found, and it would have given George Bush something to do. Or not do, as the case may be.

Today’s Homework | Discuss

Senate Dems put anti-women's healthcare Republicans on notice yesterday...

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