Randi Rhodes: Crazy Squared

Michele Bachmann won the Ames straw poll in Iowa over the weekend, gathering 29 percent of the votes. Those results could be very prophetic. I think if she runs against Barack Obama in the general election, Bachmann would get about 29 percent of the vote. Bachmann got 4,823 votes. She’s on her way! That is, if there are any other elections out there that you can win with 4,823 votes. Good luck with that. There are individuals out there who gamed the voting system on “Dancing with the Stars” and voted for Bristol Palin more times than that!

Lost in all the hoopla over Michele Bachmann coming in first in the Ames straw poll is the fact that Ron Paul also virtually came in first in the Ames straw poll. Ron Paul got 28 percent of the vote to Michele Bachmann’s 29 percent. You could take that to mean that Ron Paul is a serious candidate, but it’s more likely it indicates Michele Bachmann is not really a serious candidate. So Michele Bachmann’s big win—the win that makes her a frontrunner—was by 152 votes over a guy everyone agrees has zero chance of winning. That’s like being considered a Grammy favorite because you beat William Huang in a sing-off.

Tim Pawlenty came in a distant third, and quit the race. There is a big empty space where Tim Pawlenty used to be. Actually, it was a big empty space when Tim Pawlenty was still there. But now to fill that void we have the big void from Texas! Rick Perry announced his candidacy for president this weekend in Charleston, South Carolina—which is geographically and demographically about as far right as any place in this country. One problem though, Rick—I don’t know if Charleston, South Carolina is the best place to make your announcement after you’ve already called for your own state to secede from the Union. Really, Rick, why not go all the way and fire a symbolic cannon shot at Fort Sumter? It’s right out there in the harbor. But then Rick Perry has to talk about having Texas secede because he has no idea what it takes to make Texas succeed.

Now the GOP presidential field has a whole new landscape. And in honor of the newcomer from Texas, it’s a very arid, dry, and barren landscape.

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