Randi Rhodes: Weiner Gone

Well, Weiner pulled out. Hey, don’t judge me. I’ve got to unload these Weiner jokes while they’re hot. Hey, there goes another one! In the end, Weiner just couldn’t stand up to the pressure. OK, now I’m not even doing it intentionally. Let’s start again. Anthony Weiner announced his resignation today at the same Brooklyn senior center where he announced his first run for NYC city council back in the early 90’s. He may be resigning to spare himself and his family any more embarrassment, though I’m not sure more embarrassment than this is even possible.

I can guarantee that nobody is happier that Anthony Weiner is going away than David Vitter. He’s still in the Senate, though I imagine this whole affair caused him to soil more than one pair of diapers. It’s an impressive example of survival. David Vitter took a licking and kept on ticking. Anthony Weiner didn’t even get a licking, and he’s out of here. Vitter never really paid the price for what he did. Well, he paid the prostitutes, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t know what a hooker who specializes in unusual requests charges for a diapering, but I can’t imagine that what Vitter paid was anywhere near the price that Anthony Weiner ultimately paid. Weiner’s unfortunate last name really gave this scandal traction. David Vitter might have been forced to resign if his name had been David Diapers.

Turning to wieners who are sticking around, Texas Governor Rick Perry might be running for President of the United States, now that he seems to have given up on his threat to have Texas secede from the United States. Rick Perry is what would happen if you put Mitt Romney’s hair on Michele Bachmann’s empty head. Perry first became Governor of Texas back in 2000 when George Bush quit to become president. It’s not easy to go downhill from George Bush, but Rick Perry pulled it off. Perry is the longest serving governor in the history of Texas, at over 10 years now. It’s a testament to how big Texas is that Rick Perry has still been unable to completely destroy it. During a recent period of drought and wildfire, Rick Perry proclaimed a “Days of Prayer for Rain.” I’m surprised he didn’t sacrifice a goat. He did sacrifice a good-sized chunk of the budget for the state agency that was fighting the wildfires. If you have as much faith as Rick Perry does in the power of prayer, pray for God to deliver Texas from Rick Perry.

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