It’s Friday, ya bastids!Yesterday, all of Newt Gingrich’s top advisors got together and resigned. It was the first coordinated thing the Gingrich campaign has done. Now Newt’s future is almost as questionable as his past. It seems that Gingrich’s campaign aides didn’t want to be associated with a disastrous failure, which begs the question of why they signed up with Newt Gingrich in the first place. Newt’s senior advisors confronted him after he returned from a luxury cruise of the Greek Isles.
Gingrich defended his cruise holiday as a chance to “get away and think.” Of course. If I need to think, the first place I go is Mykonos. Then maybe a couple stops in Santorini and Rhodes before winding up in Corfu. But Newt says he wrote two policy speeches while on his luxury cruise! Right. Policy number one—make sure you get all the bacon you want from the breakfast buffet before they change it over to the lunch buffet. It was evidently Mrs. Gingrich who insisted on the luxury cruise, because a half million dollars of Tiffany’s jewelry only goes so far. Hey, between the bling and the cruises, the third Mrs. Gingrich is getting to be very expensive. If Newt Gingrich’s two divorces don’t cost him the nomination, his third marriage surely will.
There’s a lot of new news, but we can always fit Anthony Weiner’s penis in! Andrew Breitbart is livid at shock jocks Opie and Anthony for stealing his picture of Anthony Weiner’s penis. Somebody should tell Breitbart that things may have gone too far when you start to claim a proprietary interest in another man’s penis. I mean really, what does this boil down to? Andrew Breitbart is shouting at Opie and Anthony “Hey, that’s MY penis!” It’s not “your” penis, Andrew. We know you want it. We know you wish you had it. But it’s simply not yours, OK? Breitbart is whining “I want an investigation from Sirius into what the hell happened there.” It’s not too complex, Andrew. You showed your penis to a couple of jocks and they grabbed it. As though Anthony Weiner isn’t feeling bad enough already, now he has to deal with the knowledge that Andrew Breitbart is carrying around a picture of his erect penis. It’s enough to make you lose your erection.
Finally, Pat Robertson is pushing “Teavangelicals,” a combination of the Tea Party and the Religious Right. What do you get when you combine Tea Party and Religious Right? People who believe in the Word of God, but can’t spell it!
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Stephen Colbert does a better job explaining Mitt Romney’s business history in 5 minutes than the corporate media has done in 5 months...
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