Randi Rhodes: Freaks & Geeks (Mostly Freaks)

Tonight there will be a debate in New Hampshire featuring seven of the GOP’s White House hopefuls. And hope is about all most of these candidates have. It’s not clear if this debate will cause any major momentum shifts. For one thing, that’s hard to do when nobody has any momentum. Mitt Romney is the front runner. And for the most part, he’s running from his own record. You might see the other six attacking Mitt Romney, while Mitt Romney pretends not to know who this “Mitt Romney” is. It’s possible that the other candidates may pile on Mitt Romney. And a pile of these candidates is a real pile of… well, let’s just say it’s a real pile.

Tim Pawlenty has a chance to make himself better known. That shouldn’t be difficult, his name is perhaps the least known name in America. If you pick ten names at random out of a phone book, eight of them would be better known than Tim Pawlenty. The bad news for Tim Pawlenty is that people don’t know who he is. The worse news is that once they find out, they don’t care. Tonight, will Pawlenty come out swinging? Wow. I just realized how unnatural it is to see “Pawlenty” and “swinging” in the same sentence.

Newt Gingrich will be there… if he still has enough staffers left for someone to arrange to get him on a flight. Did I say “get Newt Gingrich on a flight”? Sorry. I meant to say “get Newt Gingrich on a private jet.” With no staff, Newt and his wife are going to be on their own getting to this debate, planning out a route on Mapquest and booking rental cars and hotels through Travelocity. Newt, we all know the condition your campaign finances are in. Try Priceline.

Ron Paul will be there to bookend the debate. While everybody else stays in the mid-range of Republican crazy, I guarantee that Ron Paul will say the one thing that makes the most real sense, AND the one thing that is the farthest out there. Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Herman Cain will bring up the caboose of the Crazy Train. Michele’s first challenge is to face the right direction. Herman Cain has to prove that he’s not just a silly novelty act. And that task is complicated by the fact that he IS a silly novelty act. But remember, there are no winners and losers here. Just losers.

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Rick Santorum got a head start on the rest of freak show pack yesterday on the Meet the Press…