Randi Rhodes: Cain's Blame Game

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The New York Times says that one of Cain’s accusers was given a year’s salary of $35,000 to keep quiet. So it seems that Herman Cain’s rash behavior cost the National Restaurant Association at least $35,000. I assume that if he was elected President of the United States, he would do something that would cost us all a lot more than that.

When asked if he thought race was a factor in the accusations Cain said “I believe the answer is yes,” and then he added the standard Herman Cain qualifier, “but we do not have any evidence to support it.” Herman Cain throws in a quick disclaimer after everything he says, like he’s a commercial for some kind of erectile dysfunction medication. “Herman Cain’s statements are not for everyone. Avoid what Herman Cain says if you have high blood pressure, a history of rational beliefs, or you are allergic to lies or distortions.”

Cain may be the first candidate in the history of the world to be able to use a sex scandal to distract attention from his other, even worse shortcomings. A couple of days ago, Cain said he suspected that China is “trying to develop nuclear capability.” Really, Herman? What was the big tip off? The fact that China has had nuclear weapons since 1964? If we’re going to stop them from acquiring nuclear capability, we better act right now! Or even better, in 1962! Thanks for staying on top of the China situation, Herman. We’d also appreciate it if you could keep an eye on the Soviets—we have reason to suspect that they may have a nuclear program of their own. Oh, and it seems the Imperial Japanese Navy has designs on our fleet in the Pacific. And while we’re at it, I don’t trust that Kaiser Wilhelm guy as far as I could throw him.

Meanwhile, Herman Cain also said that he is comfortable with a “shooting war” against Iran. Uh, he is aware that Iran has gunpowder, right? I just want to make sure he doesn’t think that Iran is still the Persian Empire. Maybe Herman Cain thinks a war with Iran would involve fighting the Persian armies of King Xerxes like in the movie “300.” We can take those guys! All they’ve got is swords and spears!

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