Randi Rhodes: Accusers & Losers

Have you heard that Herman Cain is in a new scandal? My first question would be “Who was Herman Cain?” That name sounds familiar. Oh yes, now I remember. Herman Cain was last month’s Newt Gingrich. Herman is the one who replaced Dick Perry or Rick Perry, or whatever his name was. A woman has come forward to say that she was involved for 13-years in an extramarital affair with Herman Cain. The woman said the affair ended 8 months ago when Cain was preparing to run for president. That’s what prospective candidates have to do—end the extramarital affairs, wrap up the half million line of credit at Tiffany’s, and fire the landscapers that use illegal immigrants. Herman, learn to embrace these occasional scandals. From here on, that’s the only time anyone is going to pay attention to you.

Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich is every bit as consistently hypocritical as Mitt Romney is consistently inconsistent. Newt has absolutely no self-awareness. But then, if you were Newt Gingrich, would you want to be aware of yourself? There isn’t very much that Newt Gingrich should be able to criticize other people for, because there isn’t much that Newt Gingrich hasn’t done wrong himself. You know what they say about people who live in glass houses. Well, Newt Gingrich lives in a glass mansion on a glass estate, with glass guest houses, glass tennis courts, an Olympic sized glass swimming pool, and a 16-hole glass golf course.

Michele Bachmann has revealed that she wasn’t invited to junior or senior prom in high school. Too bad you didn’t know Marcus back in high school, Michele. I’m sure he would have taken you to the prom. In fact, I bet he would have offered to design your dress.

A battle is shaping up in the Senate over how to handle terrorism detainees. The legislation being considered would require that terrorism suspects be handled by military courts, with the possibility of a waiver if a civilian court seems preferable. Basically, the waiver gives the authorities the option of obeying the Constitution… if they want to. We aren’t supposed to be a country that’s run by a junta of generals like some South American banana republic. Even South American banana republics don’t operate that way anymore.

And yesterday was the biggest Cyber Monday ever! And nobody got pepper sprayed, shot at, or had their body trampled. My only question is, why wait until Monday to do online shopping? Anybody with a lick of sense would be shopping online on Black Friday instead of being involved in a fistfight over a $2 waffle maker.

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Scott Olsen, the Iraq vet who had his skull cracked by police at Occupy Oakland, is out of the hospital but continues to struggle with his speech...

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