Randi Rhodes: Readings May Vary

Worst public reading since George Bush did “My Pet Goat”… if you wondered how Republicans would deal with reading the parts of the Constitution saying African-Americans are only 3/5ths of a person, the answer is that they didn’t. They omitted sections of the Constitution that had been superseded by amendments, which covers up all of the embarrassing parts.

Newsflash to conservatives—the US Constitution is not some Eminem album that can be issued in a “clean” version for airplay. This reading of the Constitution was like watching Goodfellas on TNT, with all of the swear words changed to things like “melon-thumping rain-slicker.”

Don’t even get me started on the birther who shouted out during the section dealing with the qualifications to be president: “Except Obama! Except Obama! Help us, Jesus!” (video below) Thankfully, the Sergeant at Arms then deprived her of liberty… with the due process of law, of course. Look lady, if you’re going to yell crap about the President in the House Chamber, at least first get elected as a Representative from South Carolina.

Meet the new boss… OK, wait until they get the details of taking office out of the way. Two House Republicans skipped the oath-taking in the House of the Representatives and then cast votes without having being sworn in. That’s a violation of the Constitution. If you don’t believe me, read it… aloud, if you prefer. Mike Fitzpatrick and Pete Sessions skipped the swearing in to—wait for it—attend a fundraising event called “Mike Fitzpatrick’s Swearing In Celebration.” That’s like missing your wedding ceremony by starting the reception early. Actually, Fitzpatrick swears that the event they attended was not actually a fundraiser. But then we know what the things Mike Fitzpatrick swears to are worth. The two claim that they raised their hands and took the oath while watching the swearing-in ceremony on TV. I don’t know the intent of the Founders, but I don’t believe that they made any allowances for a virtual swearing-in. Or is that in Article IV, Section 2, the portion of the Constitution dealing with remote oath-taking? The pair had to be sworn in separately later by John Boehner. Their actions were a big embarrassment to Speaker Boehner. They’re just lucky he won’t remember any of this in the morning.

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