Randi Rhodes: The Crying Game

Tears of a clown: John Boehner was on 60 Minutes last night. And yes, 58 of those minutes were Boehner crying. This guy simply cries too much. There’s a fine line between “sensitive” and “maudlin,” and John Boehner’s tears have washed that line away. He cries at the drop of a hat. And a guy who drinks as much as John Boehner drops a lot of hats. And it’s not like the guy gets misty, or tears up a little. He blubbers like he’s watching “Terms of Endearment,” “Ghost,” and “Old Yeller” all at the same time. Boehner told Leslie Stahl “There’s just some things that trigger real emotions.” Yup. And one of them is bourbon.

John Boehner is from a poor family and had to struggle to get ahead. And now he’s devoting his life to making sure other poor people have to struggle even more. I think Boehner is like one of those ex-smokers who ends up being rabidly anti-smoking. He grew up poor, and now it seems like he wants to stomp out the poor. Not stomp out poverty… stomp out poor people. Maybe Boehner just doesn’t want anybody else to go through what he went through… and by that I mean eventual wealth and success. It also came out that Boehner met his wife while working as a night shift janitor in college. He’s come a long way from janitor. These days he spends his time trashing the Constitution.

Boehner choked up when talking about the American Dream. He said “I’ve been chasing the American Dream my whole career.” I just hope he never catches it, because I have a feeling he wants to strangle it. At the end he said “I’m a regular guy with a big job.” And that would be making sure no other regular guys get a job until he can get Obama out of the White House.

A big snowfall in the Midwest has collapsed the roof of the Minneapolis Metrodome (watch). That sounds worse than what actually happened, since the roof is essentially a giant balloon. Did they not see this eventually happening? Any giant public engineering project that includes the phrase “inflate the roof” has structural problems—literally. Now workers are trying to repair the roof. Looking at it, all I can think is that they’re going to need an awful lot of duct tape. At least the Minneapolis Metrodome doesn’t have a corporate sponsor. It would be embarrassing to be associated with a deflated and collapsed structure. Although, it would be kind of appropriate if it was the Viagra Metrodome.

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